Setting the Container
I received the email in the morning. “The data coming through from our new booking system isn’t correct, and it’s going to take us another 3 weeks to do the QC. I’m so sorry to drop this on you.”
I was supposed to pull the trigger on a major software change for the largest client I had ever worked with that afternoon. I responded simply that we would figure it all out together and that I was looking forward to seeing her at 2:00.
First thing in that meeting, I genuinely asked, “How are you doing with all of this?”
She responded, “I am so stressed out.” I could see it, too. She had clearly been burning the candle at both ends for days.
“I hear you,” I replied. “Let’s start with some grounding and intention setting.”
I led her first through a simple breathing exercise, supporting her body to relax the parasympathetic nervous system and to encourage her thoughts to be present in the moment rather than replaying all of the narratives causing her stress. I then gently reframed some of those stressful narratives: Everything we are worried about right now is just data in computers telling a story. It is a puzzle to be solved, and sometimes puzzles can be frustrating. It isn’t dangerous or threatening. We are fine. Our families and friends are fine. Our teams working on this are fine. Everyone is OK.
I then supported her in reminding her why she is doing what she is doing: You have an amazing company that brings wonder, adventure, and culture to people all over the world, and you are supporting the lives of thousands of people in those amazing places through the work you are doing. All of these problems are good problems to have. Let’s take a moment to focus on the gratitude for this great work, this amazing team, and the opportunity to improve these workflows, even when each step doesn’t go as smoothly as planned.
I then wrapped up by preparing us for the conversation that was going to come next: We had a plan, and now the plan is changing. This is giving us an opportunity to pivot. When we learn to pivot, and pivot again, and again… we become REALLY good dancers. So, let’s pivot.
She opened her eyes, and I asked, “How are you feeling now?”
“I feel so much better! I had no idea how much I needed that.”
Emotional Regulation
Our work and the bustle of our world had taught many of us to go through our day on autopilot, paying little attention to our overall state of wellbeing, or lack thereof. Often we get so busy that we’re not drinking enough water, eating healthy food at regular intervals, moving our bodies, or getting adequate rest. All of these small things can accumulate to create an unhealthy baseline of stress in our lives.
Can you relate to this? How often do you pause to check in with your body and your emotions to see if you need anything before you dive into the next thing you “must” do? Many of us have learned to ignore our needs, pushing ourselves to work harder through a constant low-grade state of fight/flight response. In psychology, this parasympathetic nervous system response is often referred to as being dysregulated or “flooded,” as emotional neural peptides of stress are in the bloodstream.
If we go into a meeting with a client or team member distracted by everything that has already stressed us out that day and worrying about the things that are coming up to stress us out later, we are setting ourselves up for failure. What is worse, often the people we are meeting with are in the same state of disadvantage that we are in.
It doesn’t have to be this way. In fact, it’s really easy to change this pattern in our lives, and we can even support those around us to change it, resulting in more overall wellness in our workplaces and homes.
I had the opportunity to be on a call with Jill Bolte Taylor last year. She is a cellular neural anatomist and the author of the books My Stroke of Insight and Whole Brain Living. She taught me that, if we can stop replaying the narratives that are stressing us out in our heads, it only takes 87 seconds for the emotions we are experiencing to change.
The tricky part is developing the habit of taking care of ourselves and others in this way.
Healthy Habits
I love accountability allies: having people in my life who can support me in being the person I want to be. One fun thing about accountability allies is that they don’t even need to know they are one. Simply being accountable to others can help us be more accountable to ourselves. This is why I have set up every person who meets with me as an accountability ally, especially my clients. It has helped me to build a foundation for the most important healthy habit in my life: regular grounding practices.
What is grounding? It’s like a brief meditation. It is an opportunity to take a moment (usually between 1-5 minutes) to just breathe deeply, feel our bodies and sense the physical world around us, acknowledge any needs we may have, and reset our thought patterns.
A couple of years ago, I started beginning almost every meeting I have with a grounding, and it has changed my life and the lives of the people I meet with in very positive ways. Taking just a few minutes at the beginning of our time together to bring our conscious awareness to our state of being sets us up for success on many levels:
- We are able to empathize and relate to each other as human beings with complex emotions, not blaming or shaming others or feeling like we need to mask our own experiences.
- We become more effective listeners, allowing ourselves to be fully present with our attention.
- We can acknowledge the needs of our biology, creating the space to request a moment for a restroom break or to grab some water or a snack without feelings of pressure.
- We shift from our linear-thinking left hemisphere of our brain to our more creative right hemisphere, supporting us to be more creative and empathetic.
- We reset our emotions, at least a bit, and make room for the things that we want to be feeling with the people we are connecting with in that moment.
- We are able to set an intention for how we want to be with each other in the time we have together. This may include what we want to accomplish, what we are feeling while we do it, and our agreements around how we treat each other.
These brief opportunities at the beginning of each meeting have become my #1 strategy for success in my life and my relationships. People often ask me how on earth I am doing as much as I am doing. This is how.
Overcoming Dissent
I often am asked, “What if someone doesn’t want to do a grounding with you?” I hear stories from other accounting professionals about the stick-in-the-mud client who would throw a fit if I tried to pull that “tree hugging hippy crap.”
Plain and simple: Have you tried? Maybe they will surprise you. If they do throw a fit, judging and verbally abusing you for wanting to take care of yourself and them, are those the people you want to be meeting with?
One of my favorite meetings that I get to have twice a month is Empower Your Passion. This is the mastermind group that I lead twice a month through the Roundtable Labs community. Unlike many other groups where accountants come together to strategize and support each other, EYP goes deep. We recognize that our business problems are generally our personal problems in disguise, and we delve into the underlying causes of the challenges our members are facing. Pricing issues are generally rooted in limiting beliefs around our value and self worth. Communication challenges with clients or team members are frequently a product of either judgment or impostor syndrome. Procrastination and lack of motivation is often a sign of either needing some self-care time or an opportunity to ground ourselves back into our personal life purpose. The point is, in EYP we don’t shy away from the emotional heavy lifting, so it is essential that each member is regulated enough to hold this non-judgemental space for each other.
Often, when a new member joins Empower You Passion, there is a bit of culture shock. Outside of EYP and the Accounting Alchemy Network, few spaces in the accounting profession begin meetings with a grounding and a “real human check-in,” where members are encouraged to share genuinely about their state of being with the others in the group. It can take a little getting used to. After a couple of meetings, participants learn to appreciate this intentional change of pace.
For those who continue to feel a bit of resistance, it is usually related to the time investment, as they are coming to the meeting excited to dive into the matter at hand and see the grounding as a distraction from the “real work” that needs to be done. In these situations, I have found the warm up is the most important part of the training. We are showing up together to learn, grow, and accomplish certain things. Many of those things may be demanding of us on several levels, just like an intense workout. If we skip the warm-up, the likelihood of someone getting hurt increases dramatically, especially in a group like Empower You Passion where emotionally sensitive topics are being discussed.
Guess what… Money and finance are emotionally sensitive topics. Our clients’ businesses are like their children, and most of us show up to meetings in a disadvantaged emotional state. Don’t skip the warm-up!
Learning to Lead a Grounding
Have I sparked your curiosity to the point where you are thinking of giving this a try and just don’t know where to start? You’re in luck! A couple of years ago, I led a brief webinar for the Accounting Alchemy Network on how to lead a grounding, and the replay is available for free on YouTube here.
Happy Endings
My client was feeling better, and it was time to pivot.
“So let’s change the plan. The main stressful pieces come down to time and money, so let’s get those out of the way.”
My client responded, “Oh, I know. My team is concerned that your schedule might be full and you won’t be available to continue supporting us with this shift in the plan.”
I replied, “Well, let’s just look at the calendar and get those appointments booked now to set our mutual expectations for the coming weeks, and we can take it from there.”
We got a series of additional appointments scheduled, and then came the moment that many accountants dread: the pricing conversation. I practice value pricing, rather than any sort of hourly billing. The price and scope for this multi-month project with this client had been set long before, and I had already delivered well above and beyond her expectations. We were both coming at the conversation around scope-creep from a regulated place, thanks to our grounding, and the foundation of trust between us had been well established.
I simply said, “So let’s talk about the change in the budget for your project. We had set the price together previously at $37K knowing the things that we knew at that time. The project already shifted a bit within that agreement…”
She interrupted me, “Oh, I know! We are so grateful for everything you’ve been doing to support us, and were already planning to pay you a bit more than we have already.”
That felt really good to hear. “Wow, thank you! So, now we have a lot more clarity on what the rest of this will look like. Do you have an idea in mind for how your budget is changing to fit the new scope of what we are doing?”
“I think we could increase the overall budget to $60K. Does that work for you?”
“Yes, I think an additional $23,000 sounds fair, and if the scope shifts again, we can revisit at that point.”
It pays well to be emotionally regulated.
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Ingrid Edstrom is a professional speaker, accounting nerd, and CEO of the award winning consulting firm, Priestess Of Profits, LLC (formerly Polymath, LLC).
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Tags: Advisory, Firm Management
